Why Smile for Tomorrow?
My name is Sharah Stevens. I am the Founder of Smile for Tomorrow. Here is my story...
It was September, 2004, I had just started my Sophomore year in College. I was taking a class that required me to obtain information from somebody that is or was serving our Country. At the time, I didn't have many contacts in the Military, so I posted on a forum somewhere online asking if there was anyone local that I could meet up with to "interview". It took a while to get any response, but in mid October I got one. His name was Christopher. He was really eager to share information and photos. Perfect! This is going to work out great. We talked maybe twice after we connected on MySpace and he gave me a time and place to meet. I didn't know this guy from a bag of beans and he wanted me to meet him at his house. Not only was I intimidated by his good looks from the photos but geeze, going to a strangers house, eh I don't know. Of course I did anyway, because this paper was a HUGE part of my grade. It was the best thing I ever did.
On October 28, 2004, we met up to chat and have a few drinks. We instantly clicked and talked about any and everything. We didn't even get to my questions for my report until at least 2 hours after I was there. Him and I met up a few times a week to work on my paper/project. He was a total riot. The project started winding down, which I thought would suck for me. I met this awesome guy who would make a great friend but our time is up. He would call every night to make sure I had everything I needed, make sure all the photos were okay, he seemed more concerned about this project than I did. I ended up getting an A+ on my paper and project, with his help. Lucky for me it didn't end there!
From that point on we had this unbreakable friendship. It was more than a friendship though, we had this deep bond. We'd argue, laugh, cry, joke, make bets and argue some more (he was a Yankee's fan while I am a Red Sox fan). He helped me through so many obstacles in my life; from stupid boyfriends to dealing with the stress from my jobs, friend drama and so much more. If I needed anything, I mean ANYTHING, he was there. If I had a bad day/night I knew I could always call him up or stop over any time of the night and we'd stay up for hours just talking. Those strong shoulders of his and those muscular tattooed arms carried so many of my tears and melted away countless worries. Some nights, most nights, when we were together, we didn't even have to talk. I could just walk in, plop down on his couch and watch TV. Just being in his company made me feel better, made me feel complete. He was the perfect person that everyone looks for in their life. That one person that touches your soul. And I was lucky enough to find him!
We shared EVERYTHING with each other. The crap in his life was crap in my life and vice versa. When he was sad I was sad for him. Angry, I was even more furious that someone screwed over my best friend. We were a team! I shared so many of my ideas for starting businesses, he'd laugh at most of them but he was always supportive and gave the best advice. That's what I call a best friend. It went on like this for 7 years. We would see each other at least once a week without question and end every get together with a "see you later" and "thank you". Goodbye wasn't in our vocabulary, goodbye meant forever we weren't even close to that point. Saying thank you was just something that came naturally. It was always "Thank you!" "No, Thank YOU!" How in the world could you not be thankful for having someone so amazing in your life? It was great! Such an amazing connection all from one damn paper that I dreaded ever having to do. Then, one day everything changed and my world came to a halt.
On November 29, 2011, it was just a regular, ordinary day to start out. I knew I had a long 14 hour day ahead of me. I got to my evening job and everything was off. The way everyone was acting just didn't feel right. I tried to ignore it and go about doing my job. It was really weighing on me and I knew that everyone else knew something that I didn't, specifically, the new girl. She was always so chatty and nothing but smiles around me, but not this day. Something was wrong. I couldn't get it out of her as much as I tried she would just walk away and get really uncomfortable. So, I let it slide for a bit... thinking okay, maybe I did something wrong and they all know I'm going to get fired after my shift was over. I had no clue. All kinds of things were going through my head.
Around 6:20 p.m., there were only 2 of us left in the store, it was a slow night. I kept digging and digging to find out what everyone was keeping from me. At 6:30 p.m. my heart sank. I was told that Christopher had taken his own life (November 27, 2011). I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I walked around the store for a few minutes denying it and saying over and over, out loud and in my head, "this can't be true," "there's no way," "he wouldn't do that." 6:47 p.m. I sent him a text message praying he would answer me back. Instead, I got a response from his sister. I dropped my phone and collapsed to the ground. I stayed there for I don't even know how long, in tears, completely numb, broken. I didn't know what to do. Shaking and short of breath my night was over. I was done functioning. That was it. My best friend was gone. He wasn't coming back.
As much as I want to, I will never forget that day; where I was standing, what I was doing, who told me, how I felt. Never, have I felt so completely empty at the drop of a dime. He was hurting so bad but always had the most perfect smile to disguise the pain. How was that possible??? How did I not know????
The days passed, they felt like an eternity. Friday, December 2, 2011, it came time to say "see you later". I didn't want to believe it was real. I kept hoping someone would wake me up from this nightmare I was living in. We had plans to see each other that night. This was NOT in our plans. The tears didn't stop. The heartache was real. Songs and locations brought back memories which lead to tears. Driving to work every day brought on even more heartache having to pass his apartment on the way. I had no idea how to cope with this kind of loss. Part of me was gone.
As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I spent a lot of time alone and kept to myself. I did a lot of thinking, a lot of crying. The "what if's" and "if only's" popped up often and still do. Was there something I missed? I re-read every one of our text messages 100+ times. Was he asking for someone to talk to? Did I ignore his call for help because I was too wrapped up in my own life? What if I called him like I thought about doing? Would it have changed anything? How could someone that was so perfect in my eyes hurt so much? I had no clue. NO CLUE! I still haven't figured out answers but I did figure out how I can try to help others.
Smile for Tomorrow!
Christopher and I always talked about me being a business owner and doing something that would help others. This is it!!! This is for him, and for anyone else that may be struggling with the pain kept deep down inside. This is for the survivors and the ones that have lost a loved one. I am here to do my part to help you!
I'd give anything to have him back, not only for myself but for his son, family and friends. He is missed every second of every day. He is watching over us and I'm sure he's laughing at all of our struggles, but I know he's there to pick us up when we fall. I see his signs everywhere. There was still so much of his story left unwritten. At the young age of 32, Christopher was done fighting. I am here to continue the fight and share our story. I will forever be the voice. C6E6C6
May his light never fade away.
It was September, 2004, I had just started my Sophomore year in College. I was taking a class that required me to obtain information from somebody that is or was serving our Country. At the time, I didn't have many contacts in the Military, so I posted on a forum somewhere online asking if there was anyone local that I could meet up with to "interview". It took a while to get any response, but in mid October I got one. His name was Christopher. He was really eager to share information and photos. Perfect! This is going to work out great. We talked maybe twice after we connected on MySpace and he gave me a time and place to meet. I didn't know this guy from a bag of beans and he wanted me to meet him at his house. Not only was I intimidated by his good looks from the photos but geeze, going to a strangers house, eh I don't know. Of course I did anyway, because this paper was a HUGE part of my grade. It was the best thing I ever did.
On October 28, 2004, we met up to chat and have a few drinks. We instantly clicked and talked about any and everything. We didn't even get to my questions for my report until at least 2 hours after I was there. Him and I met up a few times a week to work on my paper/project. He was a total riot. The project started winding down, which I thought would suck for me. I met this awesome guy who would make a great friend but our time is up. He would call every night to make sure I had everything I needed, make sure all the photos were okay, he seemed more concerned about this project than I did. I ended up getting an A+ on my paper and project, with his help. Lucky for me it didn't end there!
From that point on we had this unbreakable friendship. It was more than a friendship though, we had this deep bond. We'd argue, laugh, cry, joke, make bets and argue some more (he was a Yankee's fan while I am a Red Sox fan). He helped me through so many obstacles in my life; from stupid boyfriends to dealing with the stress from my jobs, friend drama and so much more. If I needed anything, I mean ANYTHING, he was there. If I had a bad day/night I knew I could always call him up or stop over any time of the night and we'd stay up for hours just talking. Those strong shoulders of his and those muscular tattooed arms carried so many of my tears and melted away countless worries. Some nights, most nights, when we were together, we didn't even have to talk. I could just walk in, plop down on his couch and watch TV. Just being in his company made me feel better, made me feel complete. He was the perfect person that everyone looks for in their life. That one person that touches your soul. And I was lucky enough to find him!
We shared EVERYTHING with each other. The crap in his life was crap in my life and vice versa. When he was sad I was sad for him. Angry, I was even more furious that someone screwed over my best friend. We were a team! I shared so many of my ideas for starting businesses, he'd laugh at most of them but he was always supportive and gave the best advice. That's what I call a best friend. It went on like this for 7 years. We would see each other at least once a week without question and end every get together with a "see you later" and "thank you". Goodbye wasn't in our vocabulary, goodbye meant forever we weren't even close to that point. Saying thank you was just something that came naturally. It was always "Thank you!" "No, Thank YOU!" How in the world could you not be thankful for having someone so amazing in your life? It was great! Such an amazing connection all from one damn paper that I dreaded ever having to do. Then, one day everything changed and my world came to a halt.
On November 29, 2011, it was just a regular, ordinary day to start out. I knew I had a long 14 hour day ahead of me. I got to my evening job and everything was off. The way everyone was acting just didn't feel right. I tried to ignore it and go about doing my job. It was really weighing on me and I knew that everyone else knew something that I didn't, specifically, the new girl. She was always so chatty and nothing but smiles around me, but not this day. Something was wrong. I couldn't get it out of her as much as I tried she would just walk away and get really uncomfortable. So, I let it slide for a bit... thinking okay, maybe I did something wrong and they all know I'm going to get fired after my shift was over. I had no clue. All kinds of things were going through my head.
Around 6:20 p.m., there were only 2 of us left in the store, it was a slow night. I kept digging and digging to find out what everyone was keeping from me. At 6:30 p.m. my heart sank. I was told that Christopher had taken his own life (November 27, 2011). I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I walked around the store for a few minutes denying it and saying over and over, out loud and in my head, "this can't be true," "there's no way," "he wouldn't do that." 6:47 p.m. I sent him a text message praying he would answer me back. Instead, I got a response from his sister. I dropped my phone and collapsed to the ground. I stayed there for I don't even know how long, in tears, completely numb, broken. I didn't know what to do. Shaking and short of breath my night was over. I was done functioning. That was it. My best friend was gone. He wasn't coming back.
As much as I want to, I will never forget that day; where I was standing, what I was doing, who told me, how I felt. Never, have I felt so completely empty at the drop of a dime. He was hurting so bad but always had the most perfect smile to disguise the pain. How was that possible??? How did I not know????
The days passed, they felt like an eternity. Friday, December 2, 2011, it came time to say "see you later". I didn't want to believe it was real. I kept hoping someone would wake me up from this nightmare I was living in. We had plans to see each other that night. This was NOT in our plans. The tears didn't stop. The heartache was real. Songs and locations brought back memories which lead to tears. Driving to work every day brought on even more heartache having to pass his apartment on the way. I had no idea how to cope with this kind of loss. Part of me was gone.
As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I spent a lot of time alone and kept to myself. I did a lot of thinking, a lot of crying. The "what if's" and "if only's" popped up often and still do. Was there something I missed? I re-read every one of our text messages 100+ times. Was he asking for someone to talk to? Did I ignore his call for help because I was too wrapped up in my own life? What if I called him like I thought about doing? Would it have changed anything? How could someone that was so perfect in my eyes hurt so much? I had no clue. NO CLUE! I still haven't figured out answers but I did figure out how I can try to help others.
Smile for Tomorrow!
Christopher and I always talked about me being a business owner and doing something that would help others. This is it!!! This is for him, and for anyone else that may be struggling with the pain kept deep down inside. This is for the survivors and the ones that have lost a loved one. I am here to do my part to help you!
I'd give anything to have him back, not only for myself but for his son, family and friends. He is missed every second of every day. He is watching over us and I'm sure he's laughing at all of our struggles, but I know he's there to pick us up when we fall. I see his signs everywhere. There was still so much of his story left unwritten. At the young age of 32, Christopher was done fighting. I am here to continue the fight and share our story. I will forever be the voice. C6E6C6
May his light never fade away.
Rest In Peace Christopher E. Coene
July 17, 1979 - November 27, 2011
July 17, 1979 - November 27, 2011